Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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