Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
