Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's paper in my vomit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
