They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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