I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
