wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
