Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
