I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
