We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
