God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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