I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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