I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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