hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
