You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
