Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
