K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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