WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
