She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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