I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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