I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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