so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
