My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
