your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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