we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
