If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
