I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Farmville is her only friend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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