is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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