Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
