Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
