There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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