dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
