i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
