Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
People in love make me want to vomit
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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