i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
