You work out of a Hotel?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drake has all the answers
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
