community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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