Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
