I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
