THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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