i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
