It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
