Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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