i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
