Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
