So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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