I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
