I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
