just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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