Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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