Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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