And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
